It’s been nearly three months since we first wrote about Tony the Tiger’s little furry problem, and it looks like the object of so many fuzzy affections has finally taken action. According to hordes of furious furry Twitter accounts, Tony the Tiger is on the purge.

Back in the wild west days of file sharing, and for a moment all too brief, Kazaa reigned king. And thanks to a recently reinvigorated Twitter account, we’re reminded of the complete and utter mess that was our Kazaa-fueled Winamp queue. So for the sake of nostalgia, we ask you: What are some of your best (which is to say, worst) Kazaa memories?

While most public figures have a hard time tweeting without at least one teen asking them to please sit on my face, daddy, the official Twitter account for Tony the Tiger, it seems, is dealing with an special breed of proposition. Because almost any time Tony tweets, the fawning furries of Twitter lose their shit.

A Day With SpongeBob SquarePants: The Movie, a straight-to-DVD unauthorized spoof of the Nickelodeon cartoon, appeared for sale on Amazon on November 22, 2011. Sometime shortly after that, stock of the film mysteriously vanished from the site and everywhere else on the internet. Have you ever seen A Day With SpongeBob Squarepants? If so, there are a whole lot of nerds who would very much like to talk to you.

For months, one diligent artist has toiled to make and curate a majestic collection of landscape photographs, unlike anything you’ve seen before. Were these merely pretty landscapes, Clancy Philbrick would be just another world traveler with an aspirational Instagram account, but they’re not: they’re Nutscapes. And there’s a big, hairy nutsack in each one. Which means he’s also a genius.

Exactly a month ago to the day, our fragile world was rocked when a Facebook user from the Gujranwala District in Pakistan announced that he was severing ties with his then-former best friend Mudasir in favor of new best friend Salman. Today, however, people from all corners of the globe can breathe easy—Asif and Mudasir are friends once more.

There have been a lot of End-of-Days-to-be over the years. Y2K. Wayne Bent’s Day of Judgement. The Mayan Apocalypse. The Blood Moon Prophecy. All of which have come and gone without leaving Earth the smoldering pile of rubble we’re so often promised. But now, finally, eBible Fellowship is here to tell us why with a friendly FAQ on why we’re all still alive.

Every so often, when it’s late and I’m procrastinating and everything else on the internet is suffused with vitriol and poison, I’ll type “funeral selfie” into my Twitter search bar. Pages of smiling, duck-faced teens dressed in black and surrounded by either flowers or caskets or actual cadavers stare back at me. And in this dissonant madness, I find peace.

Twenty years ago, on October 3, 1995, former football star and popular character actor O.J. Simpson was found not guilty of murdering his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend Ronald Goldman. Immediately after the verdict came down, O.J. Simpson tweeted the following:

Want to relive the feeling of accompanying a shopping cart down a dingy fluorescent-lit aisle, trying to decide whether to drop your allowance money on the new 98 Degrees album or the Sun-In you need to get those frosted tips looking phat again? I have good news for you, my friend, my home dawg, my backstreet boy. I have just the thing you need.

Earlier today, Daily Pakistan Global stumbled across a Facebook post unlike any we have seen before. It tells the story of Asif, who severed ties with his former best friend, Mudasir, for reasons yet unknown. Despite the tragic, word art-annotated tale of love lost, there remains a light at the end of the tunnel—his new best friend, Salman. The Daily Pakistan’s recounting is perfect in every way, so with their permission, we have reprinted it in full below. And if you have any idea what Mudasir did to scorn Asif so, you can send me an email here. - Ashley Feinberg, Staff Writer

It’s Labor Day, meaning summer is symbolically if not officially drawing to a close, meaning whatever fun you’re having is probably tinged with a little wistfulness for days gone by, meaning you’re especially primed for nostalgic feelings this week, internet-induced or otherwise. With that in mind, here are some videos of ordinary people riding the same roller coaster of jubilation and sadness you’re riding today, only 15 or 20 years ago.

Over the course of the past few years, the Benghazi “scandal” has evolved from tragedy to right-wing conspiracy theory to internet sensation to even more insane right-wing conspiracy theory, and everywhere in between. But nowhere has the Benghazi phenomenon been quite so prolific (and profitable) as it has on one of the internet’s most unlikely corners: The world of online custom apparel.

On this day, September 2, in 2012, Piers Morgan, the then-CNN host, tweeted, simply, “I want to die.”

In the event that your ears begin to bleed—good. That means it’s working.

Shockingly, 4chan—the cherished home of aspiring internet vigilantes and/or racist piles of garbage everywhere—isn’t quite as cunning as it might have you believe. When a whistleblower published a highly sensitive (and highly legitimate) report from an Australian spy agency to its profanity-laden forums, 4chan users didn’t waste any time in analyzing the potential goldmine at their fingertips: “Fake and gay.”

Kirk Cameron, God’s chosen actor, knows that the heavenly father is real because no one’s ever seen a half-crocodile, half-duck called a Crocoduck, though that is most likely because Kirk Cameron made it up. But what if the Crocoduck were real, and what if it put its foot-long Crockoduck penis in Kirk Cameron’s willing mouth? That’s the premise of an erotic novella that you can buy for a buck on Amazon.

Screaming children run from oversized vaccine death needles. Barack Obama shows off a handwritten birth certificate bearing the words “KENYA” and “FIRE ME.” Swastika-inscribed fluoride tanks empty themselves into lakes beneath a sky full of chemtrails. It’s every overblown conspiracy theorist’s nightmare, and there’s not a drop of irony in sight.